For me, the term "enabling" means doing something for a loved one that they could do for themselves.
Notice that says "could" not should, would, or want ~
I truly believe if someone wants recovery, sobriety, freedom they will find a way to achieve it. We must be willing to go to any lengths ~ If a person is wise enough to obtain drugs & alcohol - then I believe they are wise enough to figure out a way to obtain the tools of recovery, if they really want them.
I had to be willing to go to any lengths to get healthy ~ all the efforts I had used to "help them get sober" had to be focused on getting me sane.
I learned in my journey the more I did, the sicker I became.
Today some of those loved ones that I chose not to enable are sober and some are not. Some are no longer a part of my life because if I'm around them - I could lose all the mental stability & inner peace I have fought to obtain.
Enabling, helping, lending a hand, or supporting ~ call it what you may ~ for me & my journey - NO ONE was benefiting from these actions from me, especially not the addicts/alcoholics in my life.
As this may not be true for everyone, this is my story, this is my truth ~
It usually works best if you seek & find what is your truth - maybe helping doesn't hurt you like it did me - but for me enabling made me inches away from death.
Wishing you & your family many years of recovery!
PINK HUGS,