Btw-I was angry for a long time at my husband-that anger has dissipated as I know with all my heart the love was absolute-and pure. The good stuff. I was just as f'd up as he was-most likely why God matched us. I had no idea what a healthy marriage looked like but I know now healthy marriages, and people, are built-they don't just happen. I didbt have tge tools for a long time to even take care if myself and I struggled-a lot. It greatly affected my then husband and our marriage. I found the tools by telling the truth and facing myself and yes, hitting my knees and following whatever God placed on my heart. My therapist tonight stated, honey, I don't doubt for one minute your ex loved you abd wanted to remain married-he just didn't have the tools to make that a reality-or the tools to get or stay sober or the honest desire to actively seek out healing and learning those tools. He keeps following what he wants to do-not what Gid wants him to do. That is surely his choice but I know without a doubt God does not wabt him to live his life this way abd has a much better plan for him should he choose to listen. I chose to listen, he did not as he trusts abd listens to people, not God. My therapist stated she sees this all the time in alcohokic families-trauma bonds-where there's extreme loyalty to the FOO that becomes toxic as an adult and doesbt allow the person to develop as they should-and the secrets, lies, rescuing and enabling continue disguised as love. That's his choice. Free will and all. Anyway, just wanted to share what has helped resolve some of my anger.