Sasha4

I've just come back from a trip abroad.
I'm reflecting a bit on how it was.
My friend and her child and me and my child.

I think (I've not made my mind up yet) that being sober has made me quite dull.
I don't know if I am being a bit hard on myself, but tonight I laughed at something and I realised I didn't do much of that last week.
Maybe the only time I perked up was when we were going home.

I realised I'm not often light hearted.
I realised I often want the day to come to an end so I can go to sleep.
It has made me wonder what type of a friend I really am to others?

I just can't imagine why anyone would want to spend time with me.

I'm not having a pity party.
I do struggle with depression and anxiety and take tablets.
I would say my moods are on a constant now.
Thats as in there are no great high's but there are no great lows either, which I can live with.
So I don't think these feelings are a consequence of my depression - just more of a sad realisation.

I don't think for 1 minute I was the life and soul when I drank, but maybe I was more fun to be with.

I am quite principled now - I don't drink alcohol. coffee, smoke or swear.
Thats what I wanted.
I chose that life.
I still choose that life.
But I can't help feeling I am dull to be around.
It makes me want to apologise to my friend and others and say that I understand if they don't want to spend time with me.

Does anyone else relate?