Kindness...
For those of you who don't know my story, one of the worst results of my addiction is that I've lost the privilege of communicating with my kids, for at least a year. Recently, I emailed their mother - my ex - to have her ask them if they want any of their belongings that are still at my house. They did want some things, so I gathered them and emailed her again to ask if she minded if I included a brief note to each of them just to tell them I love them. She didn't respond.
She sent her new husband to get their things. He is the kinder one. I asked if she got my email. He said she did but that she wants to follow the advise of the kids' counselor, who wants the moratorium on all communication. (As an aside, I'm paying half the cost for this counselor.) He, however, assured me I am not forgotten and they still love me. I could feel the tears starting to well up. Instead of letting them flow, I thanked him and asked him to tell them I love them. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever gone through, but I think the hardest part is wondering how it must be affecting them.