Willow3

Thanks for the replies. I'm on the phone so can't thank the posts.
Purple knight that is exactly how I am. I become so obsessed with how much drink I an get into me when I am drinking.
We just had another chat and he said that is he tired of all this. If I need help to go and get help but he doesn't want to look back in 20 years and realise he spent his life worrying about my drinking. We had a very deep chat and I explained a lot of what goes on in my head. He said I'm a completely different person when I drink and I become selfish. It's him or drink my decision.

I already made that decision. But this really is my last chance to pull myself together.