I don't know your story, alterity, so I can only speak from my own experience. There are times that I have declared my son incompetent in my own mind. But he proves me wrong. Meth can create a madman from someone who is otherwise quite capable.....so it was justified in my mind that he was incompetent, delusional, etc. and in many ways it was true. But when I tell him (via words or actions) I simply reinforce it. Addicts are extremely resourceful. My son is extremely smart and he has survived things that I could not have. Could someone who is incompetent have done that?
I have had crazy thoughts sometimes......like......if only I could lock him up and keep him away from drugs and the influence of other addicts for months or maybe even a year or two, maybe he'd get better. I could feed him and ensure he got enough sleep. If I did that long enough....he'd get better.....right? But I know that's not possible.
Sometimes someone has to walk on the brink of death to appreciate the single, beautiful life they have. It's hard to watch. But the friends I have who are recovering addicts have told me that's exactly what happened to them before they decided to get clean and sober. My son is dealing with this right now.....but I'm 4000 miles away. Now.....I can only be something.....I can't really do anything.....and by God, he's hitting meetings and doing the stuff he needs to.....without me. I pray he stays on track.
Is guardianship the ultimate in enabling? Maybe. Maybe not. But I do believe that the motivation for getting (and staying) clean and sober has to come from deep within someone's soul......it can't be motivated by love alone.......it can't be imposed upon them.
Keeping you in my prayers.......it's really tough to love someone who has been taken hostage by substance abuse.
Take care of you.