Redatlanta - And therein lies the problem with addressing the precise issue - we have already addressed the elephant in the room with regard to his "recovery" if you can call it that at this point. I am not ready to make an ultimatum right now, and it does seem that this would be that (if I'm really honest with myself). The emotional unavailability was one of the big issues that brought things to a head so to speak with addressing the alcoholism - the other side of the equation was when he's drinking like he was then he's completely unreliable on any level and he is a mean, vindictive drunk. That is one boundary I set from the beginning - if we ever find ourselves with him in my face again, the girls and I are gone.
I guess I'm going to have to work on managing my expectations for now until I can decide whether I can live with this. The biggest one being that I can't count on his recovery. If he does great, we can then see what is left to build on. But this whole thing could just be one long mess with no end in sight if he keeps drinking. I guess feeling in limbo is a sign that I need to stand still with this for a bit.
On a related note, has anyone read the "Transforming Our Losses" book? I saw it mentioned here recently and it was one of the "new" books our literature person brought in today (to the meeting I wasn't supposed to be at today - a whole other story); she said it helped her mourn the "death" of her idea of the perfect marriage. I figure maybe the universe was trying to tell me something, so I'm going to give it a shot - sometimes you just have to knock me upside the head to get my attention I guess lol!
Thank you all again so much! I don't know what I would do without this board - I don't always post, but I read A LOT.