I'm not sure I understand. Do you want him to "act as if" he felt close to you? It doesn't sound like he's capable of it right now. I certainly understand your needs and frustration, but active alcoholics are poor bets for intimacy. Sounds like the real deal breaker is getting (and staying) sober. Not drinking from time to time won't lead to that. Going to a rehab and getting in a program can lead to sobriety. Although that won't guarantee he will become the husband you want.