Hi everyone,
I want to thank you all for the honesty - and openness - in your responses. There is a theme I see throughout the responses, and that theme is trust. In general, I have a hard time trusting people. If you asked me, point blank "do you have trust in others," undoubtedly I'd say yes.
But the truth is the trust in others (and myself) is lacking. I actually just came from a Big Book Study, and we were reading the tail end of "How It Works." Coincidence? Listening to people talk about their higher powers, the fourth step, etc. was very helpful.
To answer one question from the thread, I've spoken about this with my sponsor at length, as well as a bringing it up as a topic at an open discussion meeting.
My sponsor pushes me to do 5 things daily:
1) Pray upon waking
2) Read the literature (BB,DR,12+12)
3) Go to a meeting, or more than one, if possible.
4) Call him (or another alcoholic) at least once daily.
5) Pray throughout day, before bed.
I tend to get these convoluted, or make them difficult, etc. simply b/c sticking to a regimen is new to me.
I liken how I felt a few weeks ago as to sticking one toe in the water, and perhaps now I'm at two or three.
Again, I appreciate all the responses, and any to come in the next few days.
All best,
CC