Relationship issues
I've said it before and will say it again, I think my boyfriend is the most wonderful person I have ever known. He is smart, funny, kind, loving, he never hesitates to admit when he is wrong or apologize, he is healthy, in shape, he drinks as a typical Italian but in a healthy way, one glass of wine with lunch, one glass at dinner, he cares for me and is respectful, he is good to my children and loves them… he is amazing.
He has only one fault, ok two. His table manners are atrocious, but we've agreed to get beyond that. But more importantly he simply does not care that I am an alcoholic. This is proving to be very difficult for me. My psychologist says I am looking for a father figure, but I disagree. I just want him to be with me on this journey.
He has always said "I love you, I love you completely. I know you have a problem but I love you no matter what" I wish he would CARE more. That he would see what I am doing to myself and say "I love you and I cannot stand by and watch you hurt yourself like this" A shake me by the shoulders kind of deal. But no, he simply doesn't care. If he comes to my house and I am drunk he leaves saying "you are drunk, I don't want to be around you" but the next day he sends me messages or calls "my love, I hope you are feeling ok, I can't wait to see you"
I have tried talking to him about his but he just doesn't get it or want to hear about it.
Today I had an appointment with the doctor at the rehab center (the one he told me not to go to) after having gone yesterday for a meeting with the addiction psychologist. I went to his house for lunch and he asked me how it went. He then said "you must want a drink, do you want wine or beer?"
I almost feel as if I would be better off getting clean on my own. I love him, dearly. He is amazing. But this is a very big deal and I don't know how to handle it.
We never fight, never. He is as good as gold, I would be horrified to lose him and his support in so many other areas of my life. But his lack of support for my sobriety is crushing. I remember I got to 46 days once, I was celebrating inside and he really could have cared less. I sort of feel like I need support or I need to be alone. It is heartbreaking to think of leaving someone so amazing who treats me so well in all other areas though.