"you didn't cause this.
you can't cure this.
you can't control this. "
Truer words were never spoken. When my daughter announced herself as a heroin addict, we naturally assumed we must have had some part in it -- guilt arrived by the busload.
We should-a, could-a, would-a done something; through Nar-Anon we have learned that is not really the case.
You need to start taking care of you -- I suggest that finding a local Nar-Anon meeting would be a good first step - you will meet others in similar circumstances and be able to gain some strength from their experience. Just the fellowship of others "in the same boat" will help you.
The following is from a song and our group has printed it inside of a "Welcome" card which we give to newcomers - it captures the true spirit of Nar-Anon:
"We're glad you're here,
'cause we've been there;
and it's hard to find someone who
understands enough to care.
Put down your pain, cast out your fears.
We've all been there,
and we're glad you're here."
Good luck and keep coming back!
Jim