Upwardspiral - Anxiety and alcohol have been a perplexing trip for me. I've been drinking daily for around 11 years, with a few month-or-two-ish sober periods. It wasn't until around 8 years in that anxiety was even on the radar. Previously I'd been a confident, calm, even stoic personality. Then I had my first panic attack, and the scope of my anxieties started growing from there. I was oblivious to the cause for a while, then in denial for a long time. 6 (strong) beers a night? People do that. I can do that. I don't even drink liquor (yet). Alcohol isn't the problem, it's got to be my stressful job, I'd tell myself.
Well the job may have played a role, but alcohol was the elephant in the room, I'm learning from periods of sobriety. It's so ironic to me that the thing that caused the problem is simultaneously the short lived cure, but I guess that's addiction. When I'm drinking, I resent having people tell me "you have to learn how to deal with things without alcohol." I get that a lot. If I can just accumulate a few days sober, I start to see how right they are, it's just a bitter pill when I'm in the thick of drinking and a couple shots would return me to my former self.
I too stress out a lot about when I'm going to get back to where I was. Hopefully my depression will clear as I no longer have to preface every thought in life with "will my anxiety play nice with this?" For now it's just added reason to stick with it this time and not backslide, or convince myself that I can be a controlled drinker. It's early for me too and a night without drinking still feels like accomplishment enough
I have a bad track record with exercise, but at least now I feel up to it if it's suggested.
Tooshabby - Glad I passed the Friday night test. Night is especially difficult as I'm sure it is for many - having always been a night owl I get a certain energy and carefree attitude, as if tomorrow will never come and repercussions be damned.