I read a book once where an older woman says this to her daughters --
"You all think seem to you think that you should marry someone when you feel this intense emotion, which you call love. And then you expect that the love will fade over time as life gets harder. When what you should do is find a nice enough fellow and let real love develop over years and births and deaths and so on."
This struck me. This woman didn't choose the guy who knocked her socks off, she chose the steady guy who treated her well even though she didn't "love" him...he was her rock and by the time he died later in life she mourned him so much because he was truly the love of her life...because they had CHOSEN to rely on each other, share everything, and grow together...and because he was a GOOD MAN.
I fell hard for XAH. Wondered if I would love that way again.
I'm in another relationship, and I chose him because we immediately clicked on so many levels--parenting, spirituality, having fun, taking life as it comes...at my age, THIS is the important stuff. I looked through him and liked his SOUL. I was actually afraid the physical might not be there. But there's an intimacy I can achieve with him that I never would have reached with X. I think the true epic love decades down the road is stumbling over the cracks in the sidewalk, each offering a hand to the other, crying when you fall, laughing when you see something beautiful, and sometimes choosing to walk by yourself a while knowing he's somewhere close and trusting he'll be there when you come back.
For me, true love includes room for and expectations of much more personal independence than I thought. It's way better!