Originally Posted by
Florence 
Oh gosh, I know exactly what you're talking about. I was SO deeply in love with XAH, and I can feel that I'll never feel like that about someone else again. Which is probably a good thing on some levels? I had way too much invested in someone who didn't and couldn't reciprocate or support me in any way.
But on the other hand, the feelings I have for the new guy, who is a really amazing person, and who I trust and feel for so deeply, feel blunted and dull by comparison. My feelings for XAH were so extreme.
I haven't had a real relationship with someone who wasn't deeply dysfunctional before. And I haven't been in a relationship when I myself have been so stable, so I'm traversing a lot of new ground, you know?
Amen, lol! Yep, I am so much more stable than I was before and I know that if I wasn't, I would have lost my new guy by now because he dumped the previous 2 short term girlfriends because they were insecure, needy, and one was very immature with her behavior. If I were really showing my codependent side, I think he would have picked up on it by now and called me out on it or moved on by now.
But, it's all so foreign to me. Honestly, though, I do have trouble with looking at his quirks and character defects and wondering which ones are potential deal breakers or if I'm just seeing them as potential deal breakers because I'm so sensitive to protecting myself now. I have to learn to work on acceptance with him and I think I work my Al Anon program even more now than I ever did before. It definitely keeps me sane in this relationship, as well.
What's also been nice is that I have shared some of what I've learned in program with my new man and he's very receptive and wants to learn more. He's encouraging me to start writing again, he helped me write my resume a few months ago and it's what got me this job, and he always thanks me for spending time with him which I find kind of funny, lol. I have no idea if we'll be together in a month or 3 months or whatever but I'm grateful that I'm learning what a normal relationship might possibly look like someday.