Yeah...
It's common knowledge in the Program that those that go back out land just a few steps short of where they were when they started recovery... and are soon back in the destructive race to seemingly do themselves in.
It's hell on the person... and it's hell on those that have to watch and share in the consequences of their disease.
This is a very good place to get help and support though... and a face to face Alanon meeting can be very cathartic as well as one see's their not alone with that insanity in their lives...
Glad you found Sober Recovery... ;o)
I hope you find some answers and relief here.