The whole 50/50 blame thing actually irritates me. That and being automatically designated as "co-dependent." I'm sure some would say that this means I'm not very far into my own recovery-and they may very well be right. But the way I look at it is yes- I am fully responsible for the choices I made to get into a relationship with my XAH. That said, most everyone agrees alcoholism is not something we can control. On top of that it's progressive. Perhaps I should have recognized the signs early on but a normal healthy person is not to going to leave a relationship the first time her partner gets drunk. The progressive nature makes it such that you can be quite a ways into it before you realize how big of a problem you're dealing with. Some significant time spent trying to understand/help our loved one seems reasonable. But when I look back on it now I think I eventually acted in a very independent, strong and healthy manner.
Do I have to take 50% of the blame for our marriage failing? That's a tough one to wrap my head around. I blame alcoholism far more than co-dependency for our divorce. Perhaps being an accountant I focus too much on the numbers which makes it difficult for me to see the reasonableness of 50/50 in this particular situation? Perhaps I'm in denial? I don't know. I attend weekly Alanon meetings, individual therapy, participate here, etc. so I'm open to working on my own issues but I'm not quite willing to surrender that this was half my fault.
Just wanted you to know you aren't the only one frustrated Cricket.