I had a tough day so far, and want to get this on "paper." ABF and I have these friends - he has known the man (lets call him Superdouche (SD) ) his whole life, I have only known them as a couple for the last 8 years. The day I met them, she had a black eye.
I've received many phone calls from her through the last 8 years detailing physical violence towards her in front of their 3 children - all girls. I've witnessed physical violence from him to their family dog, and more verbal and emotional abuse to her and the kids than I care to think about. I've never been around anything like it in my life, and hope never to be around it again. I've pushed and pushed her to leave him the entire time. I've refused to write character letters to get him back in their home after bad enough incidents when the cops were called. I've done my best - yet never called Child Services on them both - against my own better judgment.
Everything came to a head late last year, he cheated on her and left her for the hundredth time, and out of anger she finally got a protection order because of a recent DV incident that left her with staples in her head, and the memories of a shotgun in her face with him yelling that he will kill her in front of the kids.
I have always told her that I would be there should she ever be serious about leaving for a new life, and I have never been quiet to him about how I feel about the whole thing. I manned up on that - helped her move, wrote the court a big letter of facts, and promised her I'd take the stand if need be. ABF is supportive of my decisions and actions on this, but unwilling to do it himself. Sad.
Dude (SD) is a narcissist and an alcoholic - a master manipulator - charming, handsome, charismatic - magnetic even. He has convinced many of their friends that his Ex is a psycho, jealous, and crazy. I've always been able to see him for who he is, because I cannot get passed her stories of horror, no matter how well he smooths them out and reverses blame in front of friends. And partly because of everything I have learned here. He might as well have SD stamped on his forehead in front of me haha. Today, a judge saw him at least in part for who he is, and at least in part with my help.
I sat in court today with one friend that I am angry at for staying so long, against another "friend" (ABF's friend) who I am angry at for just generally being a crappy man.
I wrote a letter with brutal honesty that went against the recanting of protection orders, the recanting of no contact orders, and the recanting of assault charges that shes done over and over. She has even had her other friends and family (her own father) write letters at times telling how great of a guy this POS is, just to get him back in their house....they all knew some of what was going on and did it to "help" her at the time. She has asked me to write letters at those times - I've always refused on grounds of not enabling an abuser and codependent - THANK YOU Sober Recovery!
I am very proud of myself today. I called my parents from the parking lot of the court house to tell them that I am about to do something very difficult, but its the right thing...and to thank them for the values, strength and determination to do so.
Superdouche (SD) and his new GF were over last night for dinner (yeah, the day before court today). They invited themselves and ABF didn't say no - grrr. SD'snew GF pulled me aside at dinner and told me she should have left when I met her on day 1 and told her to RUN. 4 months later - He is abusing her already - controlling her like crazy - she is scared. She told me he is going to ask me to write a character letter for court today. I smiled to her...and went to sit down to dinner with them. SD started to say he had court tomorrow - I interrupted and said "I know - I'll be there with your ex." The tone of the evening changed
SD has a 1" thick file folder of abuse against women charges, protection orders, theft, and drug and drunk offenses. He was sentenced to a few months in jail, lots of counseling and other "classes" and no contact with the ex and 3 kids for a long time.
I am proud of my courage today. I am proud I never lied for either of them. I hope this leads him to recovery and change. I hope this saves his current GF from some abuse - maybe other women - maybe another woman's life. I hope this saves his children from repeating this family dynamic. I am worried it won't and that he will have absolute hatred for me when he is out...knowing he is dangerous. But aside from the future tripping, I am just proud I did the right thing today. Thanks for listening.