Cow!!! Gosh, I want to ramble on how much I miss your wit and writings and just your presence in whatever manner you feel like giving that day. That sounds so selfish of me. But really, that you realized that you needed immediate help says something. You didn't give in to your rationalizations to keep on going down that hole. I've been there when the hole seemed okay and why the hell not but sure enough one day it occurs to you that you want to be part of life. And for you, that has to mean something despite your anhednoia.
By the way, in this weird wacky level that we communicate within this forum,
you mean a lot to me.
Puffy