Cricket,
I would like to ask you what kind of counselor did you see. Was this marriage counseling? If it was MC then that is what they do. They want each party to contribute 50% to the marriage. Now if it wasn't, they might have wanted you to see that you didn't need to stay around, and since you did, that part was your fault.
It does take 2 to make a marriage, and sometimes 1 to destroy it. So I can see what you are saying.
Also alanon. There is a thread of this forum somewhere about alanon might not be the best if you are in a DV situation. Alanon says to walk away, I think we both know if you are in a DV situation, that is just impossible to do. I am not saying anything bad about alanon, I am just saying that sometimes we need DV counseling if we are still in the situation so that we can learn how to keep ourselves safe first. Then alanon later on, so that we can keep ourselves out of other situations like this.
We care for you very much here. If you have questions, or need help, or just support, we are here for you.
Take care,
amy