Cricket,
I do believe in the 50/50, but not for the blame side. I think you need 50/50 to make a marriage work. I do feel that if someone is not giving anything at all to the marriage then the percentage range there drops a lot.
I will second what Lexie said. It does sound like your marriage was abusive. DV counseling is free.
Re: Dating. No, you are not ready. I don't think I am and I am 4 1/2 years divorced. Not saying that it will take you that long.
You know, you can also come here for support, I do. I have found this to be the greatest support ever.
(((((((((hugs))))))))
amy