To be honest, I am obsessing over having a drink right now. It's going through my head over and over.
It would be so easy to get. It would make me feel better for a little while. Nearly five months of sobriety, and its promises are not delivered. I don't care about the long-term consequences. It wasn't that bad. I know how to quit again. No one has to know. It's no big deal. I just want to feel better.
Thinking of a drink sparks a little jolt of hope and pleasure. Feeling otherwise emotionless and dead makes it hard to fear the consequences.
I think I'm okay, but that's what's on my crazy mind today.