Intactness of reality? I don't understand. This is my reality.
I have drank 4 times in the past 2 years. I've been unfit for work almost a decade with clinical depression and PTSD which were only beginning.
I barely drank at all at that time, I was working in banking for years. Read this post to get an idea of what my life has been since on the basic level
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5471762
I started drinking slowly but surely to cope. I couldn't find any relief otherwise for a very long time, the depression and PTSD were getting worse and worse.
Now I'm sober again as when it started. I'm not clinically depressed. If I have PTSD it is nowhere near as profound as the hell that I endured, but I have a stress disorder of some kind.
Because I cannot cope. I can't function. I can write to you here in this little darkened room but I can't deal with the outside world for any length. This is exactly how it began.
My stress is not imagined, I used to try and tell myself that but I have a rash all over my body from it for the past 15 years. It's flaring up badly at the moment. It doesn't go away.
I need intensive help and support of some kind. I cannot laugh it off any longer, and I am not going to bounce back by myself. Again read the post I've linked which is a sample of my efforts.
I have tried everything I can to recover alone guys. I have always been a fiercely independent person.