Day 4. Slept but woke up early. Nothing compared to day 1, 2 withdrawal.
Getting closer to my 'normal'. No shakes or anything during the night but still some night sweating, lucid dreams.
I have moved back in with relatives until I get back on my feet. They are recommending 6 months. They do not drink so I feel very safe here, and considering the fact I've not gotten farther than 4 weeks in 5 years, it is probably a good idea. Mostly it has just been binge 2-3 days, recover, repeat and I just cannot live like that anymore. I was actually dreaming about moving back so I am so glad they asked. They are very supportive of me with both the alcohol and the chronic mental illness, but have never seen me this bad. One thing is for sure, I should definitely not be living on my own for the forseeable future.
Hopefully this solid time off work I have been basically forced to take off by my doctor (she made it clear it was not up for discussion!) will also help. At 23 I can always get another job, but if I keep going I won't be able to get another life, liver, which is already aching constantly (I'm getting tests on it next week). I find it very hard putting myself first as I worry about work constantly. I have already had lots of time off so I am worried what they think, but what the hell. I psychical and mentally cannot go on. I have lived miserably since I was about 18 and I want and need to get that happy, funny person I know I am back out for good.
My mental health has deteriorated significantly over the past year or so, to the point where I am terrified to use a knife chopping up veg as I am convinced I will hurt myself. I told this to my new doctor on Thursday and she suggested that my drinking is probably a form of self harm' especially the binging for days until I am an utter wreck. I had never thought about it like that, and maybe she is right. I would be interested to hear any others thoughts on this so I may start a new thread on it.
But for now the main task is just getting the remainder of the withdrawal over so we can properly focus on the other issues I have. (I had often been ignoring my previous doctor for years at a time and hoping the constant panic and depression I get - without booze too!, would go away). I have a smart meeting today at 6 so I think I'm heading in the right direction.
B