Hello everyone.
I am not new to attempted sobriety. Hell, im not even new to this site either (I've been here before). This is a crucial point for me now and I feel like having my own place to journal and be honest with you on a daily basis will help me.
So this is it
. I'm a 23 year old and I've been drinking on and off (mostly on) since I was 16-17. It has progressively got worse and worse to the point where now, I have one drop and go on a 5 or more day binge, anything i can get my hands on (even mouthwash, ugh) getting deeper down the spiral each day until I'm too sick to even drink anymore. I was on the verge of self harm so had to get out of there to a place of safety (a relative).
So here's my story from this final attempt so far.
Day 1 - Impending doom. Spent the whole night shaking and sweating constantly. I should probably add at this point that I have chronic mental health issues, which are obviously exacerbated 10 fold after drinking.
Hauled my sorry as to the docs. She was a new doctor as I have recently moved home and was very nice. Sat there crying for most of the appointment. She sent me away with some diazepam for the withdrawal, and also changed my anti-depressant (I've been trying to get this changed for about 4 years now) and has given me some beta blockers. She also referred me to a specialist in dual diagnosis, given me some beta blockers too and signed me off work for a month at least. So realistically I have many more tools than in the past. Time to make use of them
Day 2 - the night was bad. I was falling asleep but immediately being jolted awake by night terrors, panic attacks.
Day 3 - Today. Much better. Anxiety falling to the more normal levels I'm used to anyway. Night terrors again but much less. Signing up for SMART and hoping to do a meeting tonight if there is one. Also going to my local alcohol unit on Wednesday where I will be assigned a support worker/ specialist who can get me what I need, even get me into a rehab if required.
This has been going on for about 5 years now on an almost monthly basis, so it has to be sorted out, no matter how long I have to be off work etc (which I am really worried about). But I'm going to end up dead if this carries on.
So that's the story so far. I will be checking in daily. Thank you all for reading in advance
