Hi lovehoops
try and not tie yourself in too many knots.
You've committed to being a part of this community and I assume you're working on a recovery plan.
Your daughter has a right to tell you how she feels, but not a right to hector or bully you.
Tell her you understand how she feels, you're committed to change and you're working on it never happening again.
I'm sorry I didn't quite get the whole BBQ deal - but
not being around heavy drinkers is a good place for you to be today I think
D