Finishing up day 13 sober. For a bit there around day 6, once I got over that hump, I felt semi-good. Now I'm pretty neutral, no ups nor downs. I've been trying to dig into why I drank the last few times, you know, what was going on in my head that made me think it was OK to drink. Some of it, I think, is there is a part of me that does not want to be just neutral. I mean, I have these fb friends that every single day has to be some highlight, some "awesome" activity, place, or event. I've been guilty of the same. I think I have WAY too many friends with a gopro camera filming themselves jumping off cliffs, crashing their bikes, and trying to one-up each other.
I think it gives the very false impression that life is just one big high every day and every day gets higher until their is that great crescendo, this climax....and then the next day they do it all over again. If you are just "neutral" then you might feel like you are missing out on all the fun.
When I was drinking I bought into the "radical" "awesomeness" of it all. Now I see some of these friends as nothing more than clueless self-absorbed narcissists. So I'm reexamining my friends and finding that maybe, the radical extremists are not so interesting and certainly not psychologically healthy. You don't have to ride your bike off a cliff and open your parachute to be cool in my eyes.
So, the long and the short of it is I'm changing who I socialize with, who I find interesting, and who I want to spend time with. That's a tall order and is going to take some time.