Well, I truly truly *believed* my love would *save and HEAL* him!
There was ONLY ONE PROBLEM! One didn't want *saving*!
The last conversation I had with him, he said something that FINALLY MADE SENSE TO ME!
He would say that I always stated that "I was not good enough for him ..... not ENOUGH for him". He said ..... you just don't get it do you ...... it's the other way around "I'm not good enough for YOU!" I can't give you what you what and deserve in a relationship nor do I want to. I *can't* stop drinking. I will never be what *YOU* need!
So after 3 years of having blinders on to what was there all along, I finally faced the truth! One cannot help or change someone that doesn't want that help or has a need to change. Yes, I see his future being sad and lonely, but he can only change that and it wasn't *about me* being enough at all ..... it was all about HIM not wanting LOVE or caring to return that LOVE ..... without me in his life now, his life is somewhat *easier* ..... no ties, no one to worry about (as if!), no one to care about BUT HIMSELF. That is how he planned his life. He alienated EVERYONE ..... subconciously it was HIS PLAN ..... so that he did not have to feel with his HEART ever again! He will live his life in love with the one thing that gives him peace ..... the bottle.
Sad, but true.
Do I still love him ..... YES! Will I ever return to him ..... NEVER! When one has exhausted everything in their power to help someone and then in return gets the same addictions and sees that they too are about to go down the tubes, you JUST CANNOT STAY ANY LONGER .... It is now a matter of LIFE OR DEATH (OUR OWN!)
Thanks for listening to me babble!
Much love and hugs to all!
Maria