I got so anxious earlier that I made a same day appointment with my primary. I started crying, telling me about my stress. I'll admit, I was not honest about the alcohol stuff. In fact, I lied. This is a group practice where doctors file in and out and this the first time I've seen this one. She asked if alcohol was ever a problem. I said yes. We were doing a full survey of depression/anxiety from a computer. Next question was "Have you ever been hospitalized for this"? I simply said no. One of the biggest lies I've told lately. I just didn't feel like getting into it. The other two doctors at the hospital kept passing the buck and telling me I shouldn't go home without the Valium and the other one would prescribe it. Neither did. It's either all in my head or not. In any case, I got a small does of xanax, some tramazone (?) for sleeping, and lexapro.
Before anyone jumps to the conclusion that I'm trading one addiction for the next, I will be very honest, as I have been above. I've never abused drugs. My last dosage of 20 ativan lasted for over 4 months. I want the xanax just in case there's any withdrawal of valium, etc. going on. I won't take it if I don't need it. My parents have now come to town since they know about everything. Of course, when I got to the pharmacy, they had gotten the call for the first two, but not for xanax. It figures.
What's more important is tomorrow I have my intake appointment with my psychiatrist who specializes in substance abuse and I'll be doing CBT. I'm going to be completely honest with him and tell him what I have on hand. I won't start the lexapro until we do the assessment. After intake, my first six hour appointment is Friday. I'm debating whether to bring my husband who has been super impatient. His constitution is so different than mine and he cant understand any of this. I told him he needs to be super nice to me. He was incredulous and said I should be the one being super nice given all the trouble I've caused for him and the others in my family. Apparently, I've interrupted some of his plans.
In any case, that's my update.
ETA: I wore a long sleeved shirt to hide the many marks from shots, IVS, pokes, and pricks. Then, I suddenly remembered she might ask me to roll my sleeves up when she took my blood pressure.
I was looking over the forty pages of paperwork which starts on the 9th and runs through yesterday. I can gradually see everything going from very iffy territory to fine again. The body and modern medicine are really remarkable.