I lost one of my best friends because of drinking so I know where you're coming from. Blacking out was one of the most terrifying aspects about my drinking, I was never a blackout drinker before but in the final month or so all of a sudden I'd wake up in my bed not remembering how exactly I got there, it put things in perspective and helped me realize I needed to quit or else I might wind up doing something really dumb in a blackout and hurt either myself or someone else. Realizing you have a problem is a vital step and wish you all the luck in the world.