Hi Christy,
I, too, made deals with my husband regarding his drinking. We lived apart for the first couple of years of our marriage (due to our jobs) and I would manipulate our time together so as not to include anything that had to do with drinking. If we went out to eat, I would choose a place that didn't serve alcohol. If he had the weekend off, I would ask him not to drink one of the 2 nights. I counted empty cans in the garbage, searched his wallet for money, analyzed the checkbook, smelled him constantly, etc. After he entered treatment, I realized that doing those things wasn't helping either of us. They say that an alcoholic has to reach rock bottom before admitting they have a problem. My husband did and entered treatment and has been sober for almost 2 years. Your youngest child probably won't remember much of this time in her life but your oldest one may. Our children were older when this happened to us but we talked to them about it when he made the decision to enter treatment. They knew that something wasn't right in our lives and were glad and supportive of his decision. Liddy was right about getting to a meeting. While I personally did not attend any alanon meetings (not available in my town), I did attend many AA meetings with my husband while he was in treatment and some after. They gave me a great deal of insight into what it is like to live that type of life. Although you and I will never know how they felt (unless we become alcoholics ourselves), we can sympathize and empathize with what they are going through. Those meetings helped me a lot. I'm new to this message board as well and hope that in the time to come, I can deal better with my issues concerning my husband's addiction. Keep coming back for more as it's already helping me. We can't control our husbands' behavior, as much as we want to. But we can control how we react to it and that's what we have to do. Be strong for yourself and your girls. If your husband chooses professional help, and truely wants to stop, stand by his side, love him even more, and be there for him. My husband and I became so close when he entered treatment. I want that back and that's one reason I am here. I hope I've helped you; I know it's helped me to write to you. Have a great day and good luck!
Laura