I don't want to have to acknowledge it.
Reflecting on my recovery to date, followed by a prolonged period of sobriety, one day at a time!
I recall the words of an investigate journalist here inn the UK, herself a recovering alcoholic. When she said, speaking of certain dignitaries, 'I don't mind being aware of their existence, but I don't want to have to acknowledge them.'
I now find myself taking the same view of alcohol, in that expressing the same feelings. I don't mind being aware of its existence, but I don't want to acknowledge it.
And certainly not in its self destructive, insidious form that it took in my life.
Which reinforces the suggestion offered in the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous', that it's ok for me to go anywhere, where alcohol is present. Provided my primary purpose is to be there for any other reason than to drink it !
Although I must admit, applying this principle, in the early years of my recovery. I still felt a certain amount of discomfort in the presence of alcohol and those drinking it...
But, as the song goes,'For a moment we're here, then we disappear. Like dragonflies.' Those feelings of discomfort no longer exist.