Dee is right, Snoozy. You're staring down the barrel of a loaded gun this time. Don't think you can keep going down this road and find your way back "later". So many alcoholics relapse and never make it back again. I don't know what has changed between this time and last but fear doesn't seem to be enough to make you change.
I hope you will look into the options, SnoozyQ. You're such a good, sweet person and I know you have a good heart. You don't deserve to die from organ failure and I know you don't want your family to mourn your early demise.
Maybe you need inpatient, maybe AA. But please don't wait too long.
