That sounds just like how so many of my arguments with XAH went. I'm so sorry you are stuck in this situation.
I really found the undecided/back and forth phase the worst. I know what it's like to have the constant should I/shouldn't I conversations with yourself. It can drive you batty.
I don't know if I can explain this well but on day like #682 of the tormenting struggle that was going on within my head, I said to myself - if it wasn't for our son I would have left a long time ago. Well it suddenly hit me-why would 'me alone' deserve a peaceful, calm and happy life but 'me with a child' not deserve one? That seemed messed up. I mean-our son certainly deserved a peaceful, calm and happy life too. Anyway, there were other factors that played into the timing of my decision but that realization made it much easier to forge ahead when the time was right.
I'm not saying that leaving is right for you-only you can say that. I'm just sharing what I felt and the process I went through.
Sending all kinds of good thoughts to you tonight. Take care of yourself. (((Hugs)))