Originally Posted by
ladyscribbler 
That desire for external validation dies hard. Lillamy has a great saying- "When people pleasers stop pleasing people, people aren't pleased."
I had it deeply ingrained in me from childhood on that my value came from making other people happy, whether they wanted it or not (ha ha). So I still have those moments of feeling "mean" or "bad" because someone else has a negative reaction to my (healthy) new boundaries and behavior.
My ex actually lamented just as I was leaving him, "What happened to the girl I fell in love with?"
I said, "You drank her away."
Lady-this is exactly ME. My ex is the same way-he derives his value from making people happy-instead of focusing on taking care of himself and getting better-his immediate family is a codependent mess-mom reinforces that others are there to make you happy and uses people for her own needs. Interestingly enough my ex, while we were separated and at his first attempt at rehab, told me very sincerely that he drank me away. Yes, he did. But I let him drink me away-and now being on the other side, I'm doing really well-I'm a whole, humbled, thankful and blessed person again. Recovery is a wonderful thing!