I know right now you are going through some intensely painful grieving and it doesn't feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.....but there is I promise! It took me 13 months to finally be free of the pain of my relationship with my xabf. I would say 10 of those months were the hardest and most painful months that I ever endured! But counseling and alanon, I was able to work on myself and fight through the pain. Hang in there, work on you, feel the pain and grieve the loss of your relationship. You will come out on the other side, I promise you that. In the mean time, we are all here for you. There is so much support here, please lean on us when you need strength.
(((Hugs)))