PippiLngstockng

Thank you everyone for your input - and support.

Just to update...My girlfriend has been really caring and sweet since I told her my feelings. She said that it was good that I expressed myself and that you have to do that in all real friendships sometimes. We have since been to two long wonderful family parties with our children and others. My children and I will look back on these times as magical.

I havent talked to her husband about his contact with my ex, but she did tell me it was just an email exchange initiated by xah. Her husband is a product of an awful divorce himself and, like my oldest son, wants to keep the peace. I understand him.

So my friendships are great and a blessing to my family and me.

I have never had such love and admiration for so many friends in my life before. Xah infiltrated almost all of my relationships during my marriage. He is extremely skilled at subtlely turning people away from me. I think he does this with pleasure. So I am ecstatic to find most of my friendships here free from his influence and I am amazed at how many incredible people I have in my life. Even and most importantly my relationships with my children are deepening. I have always been very close with them but my ex had influenced us to stay emotionally a bit remote from one another in some ways. And these barriers are coming down.

I think what makes me choose the boundaries I have regarding my friendships and xah is the following. Xah is an extremely effective manipulator and liar. He will befriend my friends and family intentionally to lessen my support, isolate me, gather information about me. This information he mixes with lies to spin ridiculous stories about me.

I am vulnerable because a). he is convincing; b). we have ongoing court involvement concerning the children; c). even if I have some money he is richer than ever and uses his money as power over the children and in court. He will just keep giving his lawyers money to create problems for me, lying and requiring me to pay money I dont have to defend myself and my custody of the children. It is and may remain an ongoing nightmare.

I am also vulnerable emotionally because I do care what people think. And he knows he can hurt me this way. And the most painful is knowing that he enjoys hurting me and wont spare his own children. Dandylion, thank you! It has taken me a lifetime to get to the point where I can stand up for myself like this and it doesnt come easily to me. Praying, absolutely! If people are okay with what xah has done to his family, I am not okay with them. Of course, no one gets it like the children and I. I cant fault people for being duped. I was. And thankfully I can take measures to protect myself from the invasive lies and manipulations.

I have to leave with the children in a few days to take them to the US to visit their father. You wouldnt believe the dramas unfolding regarding his half promises to the children and such. It is hard. I got into a bike crash a few days ago and caught myself hoping that I would be so hurt that the children and I would have to stay in Europe. But nope, I am tougher than ever. I am preparing for the journey but I am dreading it.