Originally Posted by
courage2 
Well, yeah. One way of looking at my pov would be, I don't trust myself to say that I'm not capable of that level of betrayal. I know what I'm capable of -- it's pretty grim. & I'm not a different person than I was when I was drinking.
I really really appreciate those of you who've reached a point of certainty and conviction about your selves. It's beautiful.
And trach, I understood exactly what you posted, and I feel the same way. I don't want to miss out on any part of the lives I'm privileged to share here.
I'm thinking such a conviction and surety is a learned thing, and not so much an epiphany. At least it was for me. My realization for never getting drunk again was while I was still drinking. I didn't quit and then become certain about never drinking again. I made my choice while still drinking, same as always. I didn't fail at my last quit because I followed through with a proper detox and rehab. I reached out for help. I changed my lifestyle and my thinking too. I went from alcoholic mindfulness to thinking soberly in my responsibilities to self and to others. So, my willingness to change whatever I could so as to keep sober is what made all the difference. When I last quit, I didn't know all that I know now about sobriety. I did know though that drinking was killing me, and that was surely enough to know when one actually believes they are dying.
Ironically, I'm now again seeing the writing on the wall with respect to my dying, this time from complications associated with my cancer being terminal. It's almost the same thing again, except my choices are very much time-limited, yeah?
So for me, I was clueless about what living with sobriety actually meant. I wasn't at all clueless about what dying drunk meant, and like before, I'm still very much not wanting to die as a drunken drunk. And so I won't. I'll die sober no matter what are the circumstances of my death.