PippiLngstockng

I used to want to make everyone happy. I still want the people in my life to be happy, and happy with me, but I can't control that. I am changing. I increasingly enjoy hearing my own voice and following my instincts, no matter what people may think. Too bad.
You know what I mean?

Xah has always had a habit of befriending my friends, then subtlely saying things about me that turn my friends towards him and away from me. In my marriage, I became quite isolated because of this practice. My own mother was normally on his side.

But I have my own friends now. And he cant get at most of these friendships. Especially with my local, guy, athlete non anglophone friends - they would drown him in the lake for me here if I asked them to. That is probably part of why I feel so deliciously safe with them...

Enter some old friends, a couple and two children, who have been visiting this week. They are friends from my former marriage. Their children are very close with my children.

But my xah has picked up his friendship with the dad of this family. They are colleagues. They are both working in California frequently on similar projects.

But then the husband of this couple comes into my apartment for the first time in a year and tells me he has been talking to my ex, like I should hear this and treat everything like it is no big deal. I just told his wife that her husband can go ahead and be friends with xah. But I wont be friends with someone who is also friends with xah. I dont live on the other side of the ocean for nothing. I want no contact as much as possible. Plus, xah will try to get info out of him that he can use against me. The condition of my messy apartment, what I am doing, what I own ( nothing, pretty much) whatever he can use, manipulate, construe against me.

This may seem unreasonable and extreme but I dont care. I want what is best for me now. And people who cant get that arent the kind of friends I want around me.