That's just another big plate of shite pie, Robby. Yeah, I know you've got the fortitude and wherewithal to climb every mountain, but enough is enough. How many more effin' learning experiences do you need?
You know that old joke? "Besides everything else, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the show?" It's not funny. At least not right now. Or maybe it is? I don't know.
I used to joke with my sister, "If I'm somehow severely disabled, or fatally ill, and I can't get around on my own, keep the vodka flowing." I stopped doing this because it just didn't make sense to me any more, and I'm not at all certain that it was just a joke. But I do wonder.
I know you've commented that you want things like clarity and presence in your final days, weeks, and months, and that's a good thing. I think many of us know about Bill W. demanding his wife bring him booze from his hospital bed during his final days, cursing and humiliating her in the process, and I don't see myself doing something similar. But I do wonder.
It's been said that the way we die mirrors the way that we've lived our lives. I've seen evidence of this and, more than that, I've yet to see anything to contradict it.
With that, my sister is doing well, and now living in a state of prognostic limbo. As you know, and as you responded to so exquisitely, her most recent assessment was remarkable in her favor. She continues to take care of herself with an eye on her next assessment in, I think, a couple of weeks. I've crashed both physically and emotionally since her positive evaluation...I think a releasing of all the tension and built-up anxiety around her condition. It's as though I've put parts of my life, at least my internal life, on hold until she gets the "all clear." And even then...
I'm also more comfortable updating her progress here, rather than on the thread I started. No complicated reasoning involved in this; it just seems the thing to do.