Originally Posted by
Kafkaesque 
You guys I feel like this is a cop out but no matter how hard I try to stay sober and follow my sober plan, I still end up drinking 3-6 months later hating myself more for it. What am I doing wrong?? Honest feedback is greatly appreciated. Normally I love the pat on the back but I know I need help. I need blunt honesty. No matter how much it hurts.
For one this:
"So what did I think? I was okay again. I could drink causally again. It worked somewhat better except for the fact that I spent most days thinking about drinking after work. I thought it was normal because I could actually stop drinking after a few.... Some days, anyway."
You haven't accepted your alcoholism and never drinking again. Start there. Second, looking over your posts, it seems you think by indentifying why you drink, the triggers, that you can stay sober. Perhaps by avoiding them, perhaps by thinking just the knowledge itself is enough. It isn't.
Third, boundaries. You need healthy ones.
Lastly, face to face support. You don't seem to be able to do this on your own. And there's no shame in that. Addiction is a tough nut. You need help cracking it.