Butterfly, maybe you did scare this guy off by contacting him repeatedly. I have struggled with an obsessive need for reassurance in relationship. One thing that has helped is trying my best in romantic relationships to let the other person reach out to me at least half the time. I actually learned this from a book called "the rules," which gives advice about how to remain detached in early dating. That book really helped me rethink some of my tendencies to work too hard in relationships, even if it does also IMHO offer some pretty silly advice about how to catch a man (don't ever go out in public without makeup!).
Anyway, maybe you did scare him off? But so what? Is he really such a prize? And are you really ready? The fact that you are in such a spin indicates that you're not. It does seem like you've taken your repeating patterns of thinking about your ex and just kind of transferred them onto this guy. If you really want love, focus on getting healthy enough to attract it. You will start feeling better about yourself when you start ACTIVELY pursuing some self care and non-man-related enjoyment for yourself.
I was seeing a therapist a few years ago who helped me to make a real shift in my obsessive tendencies re: men. I had been dating this guy for a few months. He was a really poor choice. A self-described sex addict whose last marriage had broken up over the issue. And after a few months, he dumped me. Which I know now was a blessing, but my mom had recently died, and my emotional neediness was in full force, and I just could not let it go. I spent session after session going back and forth between blaming myself and ranting about how this guy had done me wrong. His actions didn't make SENSE to me. He had introduced me to his parents, then dumped me! After a few weeks of this, my therapist said to me calmly but emphatically "OK, we're going to let that go now. I think it's time to move on." And it actually was as easy as that. I had to stop feeding the beast by going in these circles and just LET IT GO. The truth was, his actions didn't make sense because people often don't make sense. People are confused. They waver. They're indecisive. They're plagued by addictions. They try to save other people's feelings by being nonchalant about things that do sort of bother them. And WE are imperfect, too. We make mistakes, scare people off by being overeager. And life goes on. Forgive yourself and move on, Butterfly. When we know better, we do better.