Thank you so much for your helpful words!
I feel much better this morning :-D. I'm feeling grief at the loss of my relationship but I know every single thing that went wrong, every argument we had was because I was drunk. I don't even think he knew half the time because I managed to twist it around to his fault all the time :-(. So I can accept the loss of him and it's not going to make me drink. The thought of drink still makes me panic and feel sick FarToGo so I will go on YouTube and learn to use it :-)
So I'm thinking that's the drink withdrawal through the worst, now I've got to go through the tramadol withdrawal. I've not had any for three days and the bupenorphine has masked all the usual symptoms I get when coming of tramadol before.
I hope and pray my dr is right when he said I can get off it within two weeks with minimal withdrawal!
One day I'm not going to let a single drug enter my body.