I know if I ever have that one, it will start a chain reaction that will lead me to the life I had before when I was drinking. It might even be worse. That idea scares me. I've had the thought I've earned it throughout my 66 days of sobriety. What I tell myself is I deserve a life where I'm clear minded, free of drunken (and hungover) anxiety and the inevitable regret I will have later if I take that first drink.