Originally Posted by
sleepie 
Hi all.
So I was reading on SR as usual. It seems a lot of people started drinking young, had these wild times and fun youth and then quit pretty early on. Or maybe in college. I was almost 30 when I started and hated drinking before that- besides which I was always a reject and had few friends until college and even then I wasn't really cool or pretty enough to go party with people. Plus I was way too anxious and self conscious after all the years of abuse and public humiliation centering on being physically unattractive. The power of collective hate aimed at one person for years by peers is devastating and lasting.
Definitely High school was hell and zero social opportunities there. I mean hell. They even threatened to expel someone who teased me so badly and he was a senior male and I was just a little freshman girl.
I was NOT to be made friends with.
So I got a late late start because I never had any friends when others did or did normal growing up things like parties, boyfriends, dances etc.
Basically due to being a social reject, ugly and also suffering abuse at home, I missed out on an entire youth.
I can relate I dont think iw as hated on as badly by my peers as you seem to describe in yout situation but all through highschool i had a few nerd friends then i moved ont o just having a couple friends to get high with etc..
I never had that normal growing up stuff. it was rare iw as allowed to have a friend over or go to a friends house. I was always in trouble date? forget it it wasnt allowed even if a female woulda been interested in me heck if i even had the social skill to interact with one properly I prolly still dont have that skill and i'm married go figure.
Even having the part time job for me stunk beuase everything I earned had to go to pay my high school tuition because my parents forced me to go to a private school and foot the bill myself ::scratches head::
I also missed out on an entire youth myself. lifes short and to basicly say that chunk of 15-20 years depending on how you wanna slice it was crap and like sadly time I"ll never get back stinks to say the least. Even having kids now I have to still ask myself what would a normal parent do? I dont have good examples.
My social skills are not very good I as never allowed to interact. And when i did i had just endured a beating or a&& chewing session so i was not in a realy happy mood like ever.
I think i had anxiety issues from day one but my upbringing just made it worse. I didnt start late on drugs and drinking tho. I got started as soon as possible! I was swipen from the liquor cabinet by 12 and drinking any time i could from then on. Got my first bag of dope at 13 or so and couldnt wait to give it a try. I was already smoken cigarettes etc...
I just wanted something to help me feel good and to cope with the hell that was going on at home and in life etc...
once hte hell at home was done I had big people problems i was an adult now what? how do i cope with real world problems I had no idea so i kept pouring down the booze and doing the drugs. I just assumed this is what everyone did those where the exampels I had and I hate to say it an AWFUL lot of people have some form of a chemical crutch in order to get through life. So it seemed pretty normal to me.
I just figure I've started phase 2 of my life I"m at the other end of the extreme now. the one everyone loved to make me feel bad about becase I was not on that end. Ya know "why dont you quit those smokes" or "why dont you slim down" or "why dont you stop that drinking" or whatever they all feel is wrong with you and it just makes you feel worse then you already do. Now these very same people tend to try and straighten up around me and get uneasy themselves around me. They see this lean healthy guy who got it together more then likly a lot better then they got it together and well it makes them even more uncomfortable it stinks when they dont have someone around to prop themselves up with anymore I'm no longer everyone elses foot stool etc.. I just shake my head about it really oh well.
the point is no matter how bad stuff is there is a total flip side we can get too.
I keep reading about how opposites define each other. You cant have good without bad or perfection without imperfection etc.. I think you can get to the flip side and be at a point where you find a way to appreciate both sides and be happy for them becuase you cant have one without the other.