EmmyG

Hi,

I haven't posted in awhile but I wanted to share in case it encourages anyone to do what I did.

I moved out in April of last year because I couldn't handle my husband's drunken binges, which were getting worse and worse. I felt so low, like I had no control over my life at all. I worried all the time. He would only binge every few months, but when he did, it would be catastrophic to our life and family. I became someone I didn't even recognize. I nagged him 24/7 because I was so afraid the next binge was coming.

So the last binge before I left was bad. He was stressed and drank. I woke up and he was drunk. I was scared. He put his hand around my throat and that was IT. He was someone else. I knew I had to get my boys out of there.

I was SCARED. I didn't think I'd make it alone. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I kept wishing I'd had a different outcome, married a "decent" guy with no problems. I was scared about money.

Here I am. Over a year later. I've worked SO hard. For awhile, I commuted two hours each way to work. It was hard. I've had sad and lonely days. But tonight, I'm here in my cozy condo. My boys are asleep upstairs. I'm drinking a glass of wine, watching Orange is the New Black. I'm relaxed. No one is criticizing me. I'm not worried about upsetting him and driving him to drink. The future is wide open. Who knows what lies ahead? As for AH...he had a binge a few months ago. But this time, I didn't panic. I didn't worry. I didn't try to nag or control. He is doing better. He's there for our kids and they have a good relationship. I don't regret our marriage. We have two beautiful boys! I came from a dysfunctional upbringing too. But everyone has problems. My life could be much worse.

I'm alone, but I'm FREE. I'm at peace. A few weeks ago, my sister called and asked me to go on a last-minute road trip to see our cousin's new baby. I said "Sure!" and I went. The old me wouldn't have gone. I wouldn't have wanted to leave AH for fear he'd drink. Not anymore. I had a great time.

If you're afraid, don't be afraid to leave. It's scary, but it's the best thing I've ever done. AH hasn't gotten worse. If anything, he's gotten better from having to face his issues alone. We get along better now than we have in years. I used to think moving out would be the end of me, but it's only the beginning!!!