Sleepie, I am sorry to hear of the hardships you've faced. It seems circumstances deprived you of what ought to occur in every life -- a happy, secure start. I wish your early life had been better.
One thing no one can deprive you of is your basic humanity. How about using that truth as the foundation from which to build to a better life, one lived in the solution of sobriety and recovery?
Your hope and dignity belong to you, Sleepie. Sobriety can belong to you, too. You deserve a happier life.
Take care.