ownedbypugs.....I was just amused by your "name". At this point you are onedbyalcoholic........and, he is ownedby alcoholism......(ironic, but not funny)....
Speaking as a mother who has been through this same thing, I have to tell you that you will need to grow a thick rhino skin in regard to the boundaries that you set in regard to his behaviors.
Of course you don't feel "good" about this. You are normal and human---and it goes against our basic mother instincts (for most mothers).
BUT MOM....I think you are beginning to see that there isn't a better option. Things have progressed to the point that the options are (1) Stinks
(2) stinks 10 times worse than number one option.
You must recognize and accept that you are not dealing with a "normal" person brain, here. His brain is at the behest of the alcoholism and, as a result, he is not able to understand how he is damaging you and hurting other people. His disease doesn't care how many hours you cry, mom!!
His reality and your reality of the situation are not even similar.
Every time you let him run roughshod over social situations---you are actually endangering your future relationship with him....as the resentments will be even worse! You need to put a stop to this right now, before it gets even worse.
Don't listen to your husband...he obviously needs a lot more learning about this disease, himself...lol!
His girlfriend, also. They are both enabling (out of ignorance, I am sure).
Mom, this is hurting you more than it is hurting him, right now. He will drink to make the bad feelings go away....and his disease will not let him "see" how much he is hurting others.
Mom---you are going to have to learn a lot m ore about this disease and get a lot more knowleable and supportive people in your camp!!!
Final thought--it is essential that he come face-to-face with the natural consequences of his drinking. Every time someone cushions the impact for him----you are enabling him (even if that is not your conscious intention).
dandylion (with much mother's empathy for you)