Sahm

I never imagined I would find myself here two years ago.

I didn't start drinking until I was 30. Even at 30, I would have one or two drinks maybe twice a month. I didn't like the feeling of not being in control of myself. I would go to bars and not drink and would always wonder why my friends couldn't just go to a bar and have fun without alcohol like I could.

At 33, I started hanging out with new friends and even at 33 (pathetic) gave into peer pressure and starting drinking at the bars. Maybe 3 nights a week.

2 years later, I am drinking at home daily. Probably for the past 2 years solid. Never black out, never get sick to my stomach but drink about 5 bottles of wine a bottle of vodka and a couple beers over the course of a week.

In my mind, because I didn't black out or get sick, I told myself I didn't have a problem. Even though I knew inside I did.

I come from a family of alcoholics and so I know the patterns which is why I know I need to stop now.

That's the hard part. Each day I say, alright today's the day... But it never is. I don't even try really, the second late afternoon comes around, I think of wine and say "oh well, I will start tomorrow".

My biggest fear is boredom. How will I watch TV without being buzzed.... Sounds so boring. It's amazing how fast alcohol took over my way of thinking. It's terrifying that just 2 years ago I enjoyed life without it and now I don't know how to go without it.

I want to have a healthy relationship with alcohol like i used to, but I don't know if that's possible.

I worry about withdrawals the most. I don't want to go to a rehab and am embarrassed to tell my doctor. Silly I know but I am...

Any advice on how to pick a day to quit and actually stick with it?