I can totally relate as I hated my xabf. I went no contact, did and am still working on my own recovery. And what I have found is this: I don't hate him or myself anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days where I get angry, but I now see things so much clearer. My xabf's chooses to not get sober. It's his choice. My choice is to remove myself from that toxic relationship. I went into this thing with him knowing he was an alcoholic, I thought I could change him. But quickly found out that living with an alcoholic didn't change him, but changed me.
He still reaches out to me via email. I have an RO against him but he ignores it. He is nice at first but then soon gets very nasty when he doesn't get a response. The nastiness doesn't even hurt me anymore. He is sick and this disease called alcoholism is killing him. But again it's his choice.
Take care of you, work on your recovery and I promise you the hate will disappear. It might take awhile, but it will leave you. At least it did for me. What have you done for yourself today? Be gentle and kind to yourself....you deserve it!
(((Hugs)))