Welcome Berrylife to SR.
Partners of addicts accept gas lighting. We start to question our own senses and buy into or overvalue the addict's version of reality. Likely your family history 'trained' you to want to save him or prove your value via being a sacrificing 'soul mate.' We tend to get hooked on the drama. We tend to have a lack of boundaries.
One of the things that helped me start making my changes in behavior towards my addict is my son. I started laying down consequences for my addict like he was a child. Because I don't care for spoiled ungrateful kids - I no longer tolerate addict behavior in my home. Having an addict for your partner - even a recovering one - is like dealing with a petulant child/teen. At 14, my son is often more mature and insightful that his father.
My H is sober for 2+ years, but he still has issues with maturity and emotional expression. It wears you down to know that your partner just may not be able to cope with whatever life throws at him/her/your family/his family/you. I've known my H since we were 11. We've been married 21 Y.
If you don't want this life - then keep walking away from it.